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YOU WON'T BELIEVE NEWS
This page is fiction... a satire.
COCHRAN AND GERAGOS TO DEFEND HUSSEIN
YBN News has learned that Johnny Cochran and Mark Geragos have agreed to defend Saddam Hussein in his upcoming crimes against humanity trial.
Cochran says he plans to present a timeline that shows Hussein could not have ordered the murder of hundreds of thousands of his citizens, because he was in Chicago at the time. How does Cochran explain the gassing of Kurdish Iraqis? "Drug Lords" said Cochran, "but not from Colombia. These guys were from Afghanistan."
Geragos says his decision to represent Hussein dates back to a promise he made to himself after he graduated law school. Said Geragos "I told myself that before I retired, I wanted to make sure I contributed to society. I told myself that I would have to represent a wacky actress, a weirdo singer, a fertilizer salesman and a murderous dictator. It's called keeping promises to yourself."
Marcia Clark has also volunteered to take part in the prosecution, but refused to promise to wear underwear.
Cochran has also revealed that they plan to ask for a change of venue, asking for downtown Los Angeles. Cochran said "I know the odds are slim, but if I can get the same jurors we had for the Simpson case, we might have a chance. Those folks would believe anything."
US AND IRAQ NEGOTIATE OVER HUSSEIN CUSTODY
Meantime the United States will continue to keep physical custody of Saddam Hussein even while Iraq takes legal custody. According to new Iraqi President Iyad Alawi, "the biggest dispute now is whether we can have Saddam every other weekend and on holidays." The United States has agreed to let Iraq have Hussein for summer vacations, starting in 2005.
The situation is so sensitive, President Bush himself has taken over negotiations. Bush has reportedly given preliminary approval to letting Iraq have custody of Saddam for Ramadan, and New Year's Day, as long as the US can have him for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukah, though Bush is apparently considering letting Ariel Sharon have Hussein for Hanukah. The Israeli Prime Minister says he might let Hussein walk around the neighborhoods where Hamas has struck with suicide bombers, whose families have been paid by Hussein. Says Sharon, "It would be good for Hussein and it would be good for Israelis. But it might not be so good for Iraq, if they want him back for New Year's."
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