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YOU WON'T BELIEVE NEWS
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NEW FCC RULES RESULT FROM JANET JACKSON INCIDENT
In reaction to the Janet Jackson breast baring incident, the FCC has proposed sweeping new rules, causing outrage among TV networks, and Jesse Jackson. According to FCC Chairman Michael Powell, "Enough is enough. Under these new rules no one will ever be exposed to an unwelcome breast again. All women under the age of 60 appearing on television will be required to wear burkas. To that end, we have hired Saudi Arabia's minister of media to oversee what I hope will be a smooth transition."
ABC, NBC, CBS, the WB and UPN have filed letters of protest with the FCC, while Fox is still considering what position to take. According to Newscorp Chairman Rupert Murdoch, "This is a tough call for us. On the one hand, these new rules will destroy 90 percent of the Fox programming. On the other hand, this is a policy supported by the Bush Administration. So you can see what a quandary this puts us in."
As a form of protest, CBS news anchor Dan Rather says he plans to deliver the CBS Evening News while topless until further notice. Meanwhile, Peter Jennings says he'll try wearing a burka while doing the news. Said Jennings, "If it's good enough for the ladies, it will be good enough for me." A highly placed source inside the FCC says that the Rather protest is giving Powell second thoughts. Powell was heard to say "I would not want to take us from the frying pan into the fire."
Meantime, Jesse Jackson complained that the new restrictions for commercial television are a result of Jackson being black. Speaking to a crowd of supporters, Reverend Jackson said "Britney Spears has been cavorting and gyrating on stage and television for years with no objections. Look at all the white cleavage we see during the Academy Awards each year. We will not tolerate a situation where black breasts are considered second class breasts. Jackson then began chanting "the black breast is best! The black breast is best!"
After the rally, Jackson unveiled a number of demands, "I want Viacom to increase of African Americans at the management level." When asked what that had to do with the Janet Jackson incident, Reverend Jackson said "Nothing really. But if Viacom will not go along with this demand, I will accept a hundred thousand dollars in unmarked bills to go into one of my foundations. I'm not sure which one yet, but if I can't find an appropriate one, I'll start a new one. Otherwise we will have to start a boycott."
Jackson also threatened to launch a boycott of the FCC. When asked what that would accomplish, Jackson said "I don't know. But I don't know any other way to protest without threatening a boycott. And if the FCC ever starts selling something, we'll be ready."
For the last YWB News, please click on www.RonFineman.com/ywbn030520.html
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