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YOU WON'T BELIEVE NEWS
This page is fiction... a satire.
RAINES' PLAN TO FIX THINGS AT NEW YORK TIMES
To: Staff
From: Howell Raines - Executive Editor
A number of problems have emerged since the situation arose regarding Jayson Blair. I understand that some of you think I'm arrogant. That is incorrect, but a common perception of those with superior intellect and judgment. Some of you think I am aloof and inaccessible. From now on so that you can see me more often, I am going to open the blinds in my office for up to one hour a day. If we should pass in a hallway or the newsroom, you will all now be allowed to look me in the eye. If this goes well, I will consider allowing you to speak to me without being spoken to.
It has also come to my attention that complaints about Blair were ignored. Many phone calls questioning Blair's accuracy were not even returned. In the past, our policy has been to ignore complaints unless they came from a Democratic Presidential Administration, Ivy League graduates or Palestinians. I am appointing a committee to study expanding that list.
Some people believe that I have my favorite 'star' reporters and that is how Jayson Blair was able to get by for so long. Maybe so. As a white man from Alabama, I have so much southern guilt, I won't even buy vanilla ice cream. But I truly loved Jayson Blair, as if he were my own maid's son. As we move forward, I have a plan to address this 'star' perception problem.
On the first of every month, I will come up with a list of designated star reporters which will be circulated to all editors. They will be held to rigorous standards. There will be zero tolerance for mistakes by those reporters, except the minority ones of course. In a country which enslaved the African American, how can you have a level playing field some 150 years later? We must have diversity in our newsroom at all costs, as long as that diversity means various races and ethnicities. Diversity of political opinion will still not be tolerated.
For the last YWB News, please click on www.RonFineman.com/ywbn030421.html
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