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August 29, 2002
YOU WON'T BELIEVE NEWS
This page is fiction... a satire.
LOCAL STORY INSPIRES NEW TV SHOWS
It was reported this week on KNBC news that "Two rabbis and a citizen" were being honored for helping to catch a rapist in their neighborhood. They're part of a very effective neighborhood watch. Based on this story, two different networks will be launching their own series about crime fighting rabbis.
NBC will reportedly stray a bit from the real story. They're going to call the show "Rabbi With A Gun." The second Rabbi will be more of a sidekick, and in keeping with their commitment to diversity, he will be black. According to one network spokesman "There are at least ten black rabbis in the US, so why not?" Though in real life, all three people involved in this incident were white men, the network feels that just won't fly anymore in 2002. "The citizen will definitely be played by a woman, preferably a blonde" the spokesman said. "We're talking to Anna Nichole Smith's agent, but before we can seriously consider her, she has to get under 200 pounds, and agree to drug testing every three hours." They were considering Cleavon Little for the role of the sidekick, until they realized he'd been dead for ten years.
Meantime, Fox is going with a show called "God Squad 2003." This will actually feature a minister, a priest and a rabbi who fight crime. According to a Fox spokesman, "we're taking the premise of an old joke and putting a new face on it. You know...the Fox attitude. For example, the priest will spent part of his time working for the Catholic Church's internal affairs office, going undercover, tracking down pedophiles. That could even lead to a spin-off 'Father O'Brian I.A.' We're also talking to Cardinal Mahony to see about working in a guest shot. Right now the only sticking point is the size of his trailer. We've already agreed to supply him with M&Ms, while removing all of the green ones." And unlike all the old jokes the Fox spokesman says when humorous situations come up, producers have decided to let the minister and the priest get a few punchlines, rather than all of them going to the rabbi. He admits "It won't always be as funny as it could be, but we think sometimes equality is more important than a few laughs."
If either of the series is a hit, a number of film studios are gearing up to make a movie. Said one executive, "We see it as a possible vehicle for Mike Myers, with him playing all of the starring roles." Otherwise he said "We'll probably go the standard route, and wait about 30 years before doing it."
For the last YWB News, please click on www.RonFineman.com/ywbn020801.html
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