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April
18, 2002
YOU WON'T BELIEVE NEWS
This page is all fiction... a satire.
NEW COMPANY TO HELP LA NEWSCASTS
With the May ratings period about to begin, a new business has come to the scene which promise to "dramatically reduce the workload" of all newsrooms. It's called "Babes for Sweeps." Owner Chuck Chambers says the plan is to provide all types of women for all types of stories. According to Chambers "Instead of assignment editors spending hours each day trying to find an event with beautiful half-naked women, Babes for Sweeps takes care of all the work. You want babes in bikinis, we got em! You want them in lingerie, we got em!"
Chambers says he's also offering women in conservative business suits with horn-rimmed glasses, but so far only KCET has expressed any interest in that category.
The way it works is, stations only have to call Babes for Sweeps the day before they need them. Chambers says "we're really providing a supermarket of ladies for the news." For example, he says stations can not only choose what they want the women to wear, but they can also request them according to the way they look. Chambers says he expects "young and sleazy" to be his most popular classification, and his most expensive. He says "I realize not all stations have the same budget or exactly the same needs." His least expensive women will be in the group he calls "rode hard and put up wet." According the Chambers "They bring their own unique quality to the table, they're quite cost effective and they're always available." There is also an additional charge for women with real breasts. "After all, if viewers want the fake stuff, they know which newscasters they can watch," Chambers said. "Or they can just watch some weatherman do live shots from the Playboy mansion. We think we can do better."
For an extra fee, Chambers will also stage an event for the stations to cover. "We can provide a lingerie fashion show for some bogus charity, or we can celebrate an obscure holiday. Who cares, as long as we supply the babes?"
For last week's YWB News, please click on www.RonFineman.com/ywbn020411.html
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